hrmm.. :D

Hello world,

I guess blogspot has become the place where I can just let it all out and not hold anything in. Which is good cos my brain is just spining.

Anyways, when does a silly crush turn into true love? Or is true love a figment of imagination as my friend bluntly puts it? I guess dreaming and hoping keeps life interesting. But I still wonder.

And falling for your past semi-ex's best friend...will it last? Or is it again a figment of imagination?

Gah! All these questions floating around my head...but now it's all out here :D. YAY! Now back to concentrating :D.

If anyone has any figment of an answer of some sort do drop a line :D

Fast Tracking

Hello world,

I know I don't blog often. And actually have decided that I'll only blog when I feel that it is needed :D

So, Fast Tracking.

Have been thinking about life and relationship as per usual. And have been thinking bout what makes a successful relationship or even life.

Then BOM! Just realized that our generation wants everything Fast Tracked. We have forgotten that life is about learning and growing and building. We want the best in technology, the best in transportation (cars), the best job and the list goes on and on.

I know we all deserve the best. But if only we can step back and realize that our parents actually work for all the things we have and most of them started off with nothing. Well, my parents did anyways. And so, not going on a holiday ever year is ok, not having a nice car but having to share a car or a smaller car, that I'll eventually have a good partner/ relationship and so on it is all ok.

Realizing that wealth can be slowly built up. And relationships, it starts with friendship. If relationships do not start with friendship and starts on infatuation or feelings of love, what happens to the relationship if love sort of subsides? The relationship is then reduced to oblivion. The reason for this conclusion is the mere fact that love is as many feelings are, here one day and may go the next day.

As such, if the relationship was based on a friendship to start of with, it will be able to sustain in the long run. Reason for this, simply because we are, as humans, as I would hope friendship is, more willing to compromise, to give and take, to build on and grow the friendship and to support one another.

So yeh, that's my spill on an epiphany I had this morning. :D Do comment and most of you have me on fb so do let me know what you think. As am in the growing process of understanding relationships. I don't think I've put across what comes to mind as succinctly as I should. But hopefully the gist is there :D

In conclusion, what's the point of rushing things. Enjoy life and look and plan for the future but do not rush foundation building and essential steps in life.

Total surprise

Hehe
This is a real belated post.
So...what did I have for my b'day. Total surprise. As most of you know, I've been on a 7 week prac in Geraldton. I have just arrived at Geraldton. And totally didn't expect anyone in Gero to know it was my birthday. Let alone the day before my birthday. Bless NATHAN WATERS!!! Love u bro. And the 3 lovely gals from Lighthouse Church that just made my day by insisting that they come over for dinner to wish me happy birthday. And presented me with a bouquet of lovely flowers and chocs. Love ya gals sooo much.
And also, to have my supervisor and my 3 new friends who got me 1.5 white choc mud cake! Love ya all so much! lol!!
Sigh miss Gero already

Birthday

This is the first time I'm having my birthday away from home. And I wasn't expecting anyone to know it's my b'day. But lo and behold, lovely Nathan Waters, announced it to the world. Love ya. Was a pleasant surprise.

People in Geraldton, YOU'RE THE GREATEST

ESPECIALLY LIGHTHOUSE and SUNCITY peeps :D. Will miss you lot when I get back to Perth

blah

can't wait to go home!

Beloveds

Thank you God for beloved friends that you've sent to surround me =D. To make me feel loved and remembered at the right timing. My beloved brothers and sisters.

And also my beloved family for the lovely surprises that they have given me.
See you all so very soon

missing ppl

Talking to Dawn-y now..n realise that I'm missing people in Perth. Was talking to E yest and wish I was just rite there.

I love Gero, but I still miss Perth-ians. And church too

Geraldton

HI ALL!!!

lol!! Am missing everyone. Giving a special shout out to Da Jie and Er Jie back in Perth. Miss you both so much.

Geraldton is a really cool place (literally). Upon arrival (after a 6.5 hours pleasant coach ride - made a couple of new friends), I was thinking 'mini-Perth'. So, the minute we got here, our (I came to Gero with a course-mate/ friend, Britt) lovely supervisor picked us up from the coach-port. We were then taken on a 'tour' around the town. Then to the nurses quarters where we were staying for the next 7 weeks.

The nurses quarters are actually better than I expected. Kind of expected it to be a little more run-down with very little access to crockeries and the likes. But contrary to that, the only thing I disliked was the yucky green carpet. lol. The nurses quarters are extremely old.

Sunday. Both Britt and I went to Sun City Church (after Britt helped with getting details - thanks Britt) where we met a lovely lady name Sarah. Sarah is the best. We hung out with her and her friends (people from Lighthouse Church) the whole Sunday. First, we went to the beach via 4WD. It was AWESOME! Had a bit of a trouble when I was out at sea though (almost drowned...Was saved by lovely Sarah - She's my life saver). Was going to tell you all the story, but it takes far too long.

Anyways. Went to watch Slumdog Millionaire with the new friends that night and it was the best!

1st week at work: -
Have always been a little weary bout hospitals, so I found it a little intimidating. And the fact that Britt prefers to do wards (hospital) which allows me to do home visits allowed me to 'settle down' a bit better. On the Tues, we attended cell (Sun City church) and again lovely Sarah drove us. It was great meeting everyone and getting to know them And last night, we attended youth group (Lighthouse Church). Again super fun. But I still miss Fyre.

The best part about everything is probably the girls who live in the nurses quarters with Britt and I. They're the loveliest bunch. Carol - always making us laugh. lol. O, and also the independent living bit - the buying of food and cooking for oneself.

Overall, Geraldton has been great. Had a little drama but it is great. Being able to live independently and budget and cook for myself and being so welcomed by Geraldton. For everyone out there, visit Geraldton. It may seem far and small but it is growing and it is very welcoming.

Life...

Hi all,

I know I've said that I possibly won't be blogging till after Geraldton. But. Sigh

Cuzzie was right about using blogging to release feelings.

Why can't everything go my way? Or go a 'happy' way.

I hope God finds a guy that loves/ likes me as much as this guy. Sigh!

Geraldton

The day is finally arriving. This post is 6 days early but anticipating next week to be chockas. Yup, cos I'll have classes and I have to tidy up my room and so on n so forth. lol.

So, Geraldton. To all of you who have no idea where Geraldton is, it is 5 hrs by car, 6.5 hrs by coach and 1 hr and 10 mins by airplane, north of Perth. Yup, it is super far. lol. To me anyways. (To the people in Kuching) Like dad says it's from Kuching to Miri. Yeh.

So why am I going all the way to Geraldton? Well, cos of prac/ work experience/ fieldwork. For 7 weeks I will be living up there. Good and bad I suppose and I'm actually looking forward to it. Wonder how much it'd cost me living up there.

Also, am anticipating time spent with God =D.

So, the next post will probably be up after 8 weeks. Reason being, I have to buy internet while I'm up there. So I'll spend a minimum amount for internet as it's not necessarily essential.

Till then, have fun and I'll miss all you Perth-ians!!

Life

Sigh..life has been hard this past couple weeks. And I'm anticipating that it ain't gona get easier. Sigh.

I got a rose from a friend last Sunday. And I was looking at it. And was thinking ' it's so fragile'. In a few days time, it'll probably die. Whither away. Then I thought of my life and was contemplating whether I was more like the beautiful rose before me or rather like the rose when it's withering. I guess I'm yet to know where I stand at the moment.

But I realized that I have not grown. Yes, my faith is greater now and I am stronger. But I still have not grown. This year, growth. Maybe it's time to find a mentor too.

Random thought

Hrmm..It's actually not really a random thought but it is still kinda.

It seems that as human beings, we tend to want what we can't have. For example, I know that I can't have lots and lots of clothes but I still want them. And it's like Adam and Eve. They know they can't eat the fruit but once tempted to have something they can't have, they give in. I guess, that is why it says 'Flee from temptation' not walk away, but flee.

Yeah. Actually, it is something I am going through in life. My close friends would know I guess. And I shan't say more than that. =D

Long time coming

It's been a long time since I've written a post. Hadn't felt inclined to.

So update?

Nothing much really, other than constant busy-ness. Sigh. That's life I guess.

For Melissa: I've got a long story to tell you =D. Semi-good and semi-bad. Depends on how you see it. But an interesting story nonetheless =D. Hopefully by the time I get around to emailing it to you it would have been somewhat resolved. Hehe..long long story. Miss ya lots.

To the fyre girl leaders:
Thank you girls for being there for me =D

To my couzzies:
I miss u all so much. Hearing your stories makes me wish I was there. Sigh.

Anyhoos...be expecting an email from me soon yeh Meli?

Shoe

Am currently at work. And guess what? There's no access to yahoos or hotmails or facebooks but there's access to blog :D. Big grin =D

Anyhoos..
Today...is the first day I'm wearing my black 'work' shoe. So happy. It's so soft. However, it is tight. But no matter, it's still more comfortable than my other shoes...Am really blessed that mum and dad paid for it for me. I think it's cos we went shoe shopping the other day and showed a shoe that I like to my parents and was upset that it wasn't approved. Then I think dad was the one who decided to buy me the shoes =D..Thanks to my parents =D

On a side note...I think coffee has been making me sleepy...weird

Update...

It's so hot and humid...feels like I'm back in kch again. lol. Anyways...thought I'd post something while waiting for the live update of the tennis. Go FEDERER!! lol.

Anyways, thought I'd update people bout life atm. Well, life is good. Enjoying prac and am looking forward to the start of a new week at work. Strange hey? But it's true. Even though it's quite tiring I actually like being at work. I think it's because I can stop thinking when I get back home.

Also, just started the new job with i.d.entity WA. It's so cool. Bascially, I just take my clients out of the house. Lol. So, thinking of maybe going to Joondalup or somewhere far-ish. But yeh, I get to see WA and get paid to do so as well. O the joy =D. Yay!

CNY

Yay!! CNY!!! Hehe...the one year where all Chinese can play with fireworks...

This year, OZs can as well! =D Yay! A million dollar firework display...

Still miss CNY in M'sia though. One day I'll go back to celebrate one. Miss the hang out time with all my lovely lovely cousins (1st and 2nd day). And all my wonderful friends (3rd and 4th day). Next time I go back, you guys must go visiting with me k? Love ya all so much. Happy CNY to you guys. One of the only time we can see non-dress wearers wear dress.

O..and I almost forgot the ang paos...Hehe..So happy that I can still be a recipient of one. This year, mum and dad gave me ang pao. The first time. It's not tradition simply cos one year mum said that we get too much from our relatives anyways.

Miss M'sia...Miss my cousins...Sigh...Love ya all!!! xxxoooxxx

O..And also all you Perth-ians (including all the students from foreign countries). Hope you all have a blessed Chinese new year. Enjoy the fireworks the Perth govt has put up for OZ day. Aussie Aussie Aussies, Oi Oi Oi! =D

Happy CNY and Happy Australia Day! =D

side issue..sad really

Thought I'd just put this up..Simply cos I'm now quite broke.

In the future. For any gifts of any shape or size, for any occasion at any time.

All I want is $$. That's right. Sigh. This is what being broke brings a person to do. Sigh

Thanks guys. Love u all a lot..This is me tired...

Prac/ fieldwork/ work

PRAC TIME!!

Sigh...It is fun but very tiring. Never thought that staring at the computer screen for 8 hours, 4 hours staring at the comp and then break. Thank God for 1 hour breaks in the city...shopping anyone? Lol!

Anyways. Really thank God for the type of prac this is. Would never have picked this prac as it doesn't offer any hands on 'real' OT. However, I meet so many different people, multidisciplinary as well. And I get to network. Not only that but I get to see people's case notes and claims. And learn how to write case notes. So many hidden advantages. O...and also the people that I meet. Hi Shawn, I think you'll be reading my blog sometime soon. This means you're either not doing work at work or you've got a computer and an internet connection. Lol!

But drawbacks? Sleeping as early as 9.30pm cos I'm simply too tired. Sigh. 8.30am-5pm work. But it is getting better. O...and I'm not getting paid for any of this.

It's now Friday and scarily, I am looking forward to going back to work on Tues. Well, Monday is Australia day and it's Chinese New Year.

Happy CNY to everyone!! May God bless you and may you all get many many ang paos. Wish I can get mine =( *pouting*.

P.S.
The last post, Psalms 37. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you your heart's desires.

Love ya all.

Love

This Sunday, an awesome women of God spoke of God's true nature of love. However the emphasis that I would like this post to place upon is the moment in time spent with God.

This Sunday, seemed to be just like every Sunday. Church started and it was like every Sunday. Preacher preached, just like every Sunday. Then came the be-earlied altar call. As I contemplated going up, somehow, my heart didn't seem to connect with my body. And I went up. After a couple of praise songs, as I lift my hands out, I suddenly stopped singing. I could see, with eyes closed, a figure or an image of someone bright standing in front of me. With his left hand, he placed it within my right. His right on my forehead. And, he whispered, softly and gently, 'I love you'. Soon after, I felt a real hand hold mine. And as the pastor prayed for me, it confirmed everything that was felt earlier. A date with my Lover. I am His beloved, and He my lover.

You see, I have known God as my Father. A father of love. However, I wanted to know Him as a lover too. Because for so long, after hearing the joy of my friend knowing God as a lover, I wanted to know that too. I wanted to know the difference, if there even was one. I wanted to know what it meant to spend time in His presence, knowing he loved me. I wanted t know what it meant to fall in love with Jesus.

The Friday before that fateful Sunday, that same pastor prayed for me and told me that God wanted me to pamper myself. Something, I've always found hard to justify within myself. Then as I semi-did it, or so I thought, I realized one thing. That whatever it is that I do, if I'm happy, God is happy. See, I finally realized that God loved me that much as to say to me, regardless of anything, I want you to be happy. That's why He sent Jesus, cos He loved us so much.

Girls

The girls in my life that I love.

To my beloved cousin, M.M.

Hehe...sounds like M&M. Well, truth betold, you are sweet. I remember the time when it was just me, your sis and your mum in the car and you were outside waiting for your sister. And your sis asked me something of which I gave a rather 'blonde' answer. It was the first answer that poped into my head! Innocent. Your mum turned around and laughed and said that we were so similar and that would have been your exact same answer. So moral of the story, even though miles have separated us, I believe we are still soooo similar. Scarily similar. Miss you and love you so much. You will always be my big sis. And also, thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me how to love God most importantly. Thank you so much and may God bless you.

To all my other beloved cousins/ sisters,

Thank you for everything. Thank you for your love and your patience. To C.M and L.M. you gals will always be my little sis. Lol. And since I'm so similar to M.M. you can rest assured that my love for you would be similar too. Will be here when anyone of you beloved sisters need help or a listening ear or just a shoulder to cry on. Remember we're all just a phone call away. Love you all.

To A.H.

Ah..hehe...You are my big sis. You have been there for me like my cousins have. So you kinda make Perth the home away from home. Learnt so much from you especially bout love living. And learn so much from your bf bout living a godly life. Love the times we've spent together, the bbqs, the shopping and most importantly, the movies =D.

To E.J.

It is true bout big things comming from small packages. You always make me laugh. And your openness to sharing your time with me and how you and your bro have included me in your family. It is really an honour and priviledge to have you as a sister. Have learnt much from you. Especially bout the English society. Go the Mr. Wentworths and Mr. Thorntons. One day we will find our beloveds just as they have found theirs. Sigh =)

To J.L.

Hehe. We have the same initials. Keep shining the light for our Lord Jesus. Have learnt much and am learning from your walk with our beloved Father. Falling in love with the Lord every single day. When I grow up, I wana be like you =D.

To the Fyre gal leaders
Your friendship is not small to me. The pearls of wisdom that we share with each other during those hang out times at J.L's (hehe same initial again) will always be remembered. Thank you F.O. for reminding me to trust people and that you gals are there (or here) as my sisters. Thank you all so much for your love.

To Angel,
Sorry, forgot your last name. *sheepish grin* I miss our drive homes...Come back to Perth =D

P.S. I'm straight and this is what we would call sisterly love =)

Boys

This is for a thank you note to all my boy friends out there who have impacted me in 2008 and the years before that. Hope you know who you are as I refer to you in initials =).

To A.L.
Thank you for being a brother someone whom I can always go to for advice. For teaching me what relationship is and how to gain it. Also about keeping and making friends. Also for teaching me to run to God whenever concerning whatever.

To S.B.
Thank you for being a gentleman. As you well know, one of the posts was about you. But you also taught me that there are gentleman-s out there. That it's not a dying breed and that it may be something that guys eventually grow into. Thank you.


To D.W.
Hehe. Little bro. I've learnt so much from you. I guess innocence and pure-ness of heart is one reason for it. 94 threads and counting. Considering we've only met face to face 2-3 times and only DMC-ed once, it's a long thread. Though you are one of my many brothers I treasure our friendship and brother-sisterhood lots. Rarity I must say. Rarity, like a gem stone. We never seem to get bored of each other.

To D.B.
Do not mistaken this initial to represent a fellow girl friend. Thank you for the many DMCs we have. Of which I have learnt so much about the boy species. Lol. Homage to you =). What can I say. You're a great friend and brother. =)

To my cousin T.S.C.
You have shaped my view of how a man should be. Caring, kind, sharing, loving (unconditional), patient, giving and the list goes on. You showed me that no matter how much you have, you should be willing to give in terms of time, effort and monetary. That as a brother/ man, their role is to protect and love us sisters and girl. You are more than a cousin. You, are a brother. Miss you so much.

To my cousin T.C.H.
The time spent with you in OZ have taught me so much about you. Your likes and dislikes and who you are aiming to be. You show me that hardwork and perseverance pays off. And that passion drives people.

Simple lessons yet life lessons in itself. Thank you all.

To those who weren't mentioned. I'm sorry. But bear in mind that every person that everyone of us have DMCs with will have impacted the individual, shaped the way they think and act even thought the person sharing it may feel it is of minimal impact.

New beginning

A new year. A new beginning.

To all my friends out there who're finding the new year, in its early days, as hard as it was the previous year and dread the fact that you may have to face a new year that is as hard as the last, hang in there. Look to God and He will give you strength.

Sometimes it seems that life has hit you yet again and knock you back to what seems like 200 hundred steps, even though you felt you've gained that small step that you needed. Sigh. Life's been like that recently. Seems that the Self in me wants to revert back. Yet God's promise still remains. Among His promise is that when He says you are so, you are so. So what am I saying? Basically, I'm claiming I am a new wine skin waiting for new wine to be poured into me. And it is the same strength from God I am urging you all to hang on to as I am currently claiming upon my life.

So new beginning...here I come!!! =). And friends let's brace this new beginning together. Stand firm in God, rest in God and fight for what is rightfully ours!

Christmas

This year, Idecided I wanted a quiet Christmas. And that's what I had. Lunch with my dear 'sister' and her bf and some other friends. And dinner at my parent's church.

Something unexpected though. Very pleasant and unexpected. I actually have Christmas presents. Knew that I would have one (Secret Santa) but more...never fathomed.

Thank you to all those who gave me a Chrissy Pressie. Love ya all...You made my day and emphasised how great the year has been for me.

Love ya all

O, and I'm sorry I don't have anything for my gud friends. A little broke this year. Will make up for it the next years or so k?

Love ya all and God bless ya. May His face shine on you

Family

So...the blog bout my beautiful and handsome cousins. Most people would regard family as...well...just family. For myself. Here's a little insight of what a normal family festive day would look like. Time at my grandparents house with 20-30 other cousins. Half of which are older than me, which means deep meaningful conversations and the other half of the cousins are in primary school or younger, so games, games and games. And for those of you who think that I'm 18, this would probably explain why =).

So festive seasons = Family time!!!

So family/ cousins = Best friends/ friends/ confidant/ adviser/ counselor and the list goes on and on. So cousins = immediate family as well.

Basically, to my dear cousins, you have helped form the person I am. Or rather the good side of me. One of the major life lessons that all my cousins have taught me is, to be generous regardless of how little or how much you have. Generous being not only financially but with time and effort.

Will share more of these life lessons learnt from cousins soon =).

Love ya all so much and miss you all. Come visit me. Love ya!!!! Muah!!! xoxoxo!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

A nice relaxed Christmas for me. For once. =D. And actually enjoyed time out from the hustle and bustle of life. Miss my beautiful cousins though. Will one day write a whole blog on lovely cousins when I have time. When you have 60+ first cousins you need time to think of what to write. =). Love them lots.

Kisses and hugs to all of you =D. And Merry Christmas to all and to all a happy new year!

Life lesson

One thing that I learnt this year is this. I have nothing, until I surrender everything to God. So, I surrender all.

It is so easy for us to surrender the things that are the hardest for us. Things we can't control, things we don't know how to do in the first place. But the hardest things to surrender, are the things that are so familiar, things that we know that we are good at, things we have done time and time again.

However, I've learnt that it is those things that we take comfort in and we know that we are the experts in that we have to...I repeat, we HAVE to surrender all. Not just parts, but all.

A tough life lesson, but one nonetheless and one that has to be learnt.

4th and final year

Results came out.

AND...

Yay!!4th year here I come!!!!

Relationship

I was reflecting on love again today. This time, I thought about how society viewed relationship and how all of us if not all of us are taught from young to have the need or want to be in a loving relationship with our soul mates.

Someone once said that "it is better to have loved and lost than not love at all." At least I think someone once said that. There are numerous quotes on love and relationships, that I believe everyone would be able to quote at least one. These quotes that we learn come from writers such as Shakespeare, Jane Austen and many others. But have you ever stopped to wonder as to what these quotes teach us? If you reflect on most quotes that you know concerning love and relationship, it would be one of partnership and soul mate.

Yet, I believe that if we were to be taught from young to read these quotes a little differently than what we do now, our view on life and family may change. Take the quote above for example. "It is better to have loved and lost than not to love at all." This could be viewed from another perspective. One of family and friends. It is true this quote concerning families and friends. I guess reflect upon your personal life. Isn't it better to have loved your family or best mates and lost them (through death or other circumstances) better than not receiving love and shared experiences that forces us to grow and mature who we are?

A great book once said to love your neighbour as yourself and if we did not, that our lives were like empty tins. It is also important to love your brothers and sisters as you would love yourself.

When then reflecting on this possibility that love quotes do not just refer to hoping one finds his or her soul mate but rather love in general, we can then shape our lives and views in the way that we live our life. For if we were to teach each other these principles of love and apply it, would there then be a possibility of less war and violence, less hatred and carrying of burdens. It is not to say the world would be one big hippie

As such, if we were to look at love quotes from now on as not just one that suggests a romantic relationship but rather one that points to relationships in general. I think the world would be a better place. =D

Think about it. =D

Gentlemen

To all those who know me, I think you kinda knew that this would be coming.

So what defines a gentleman in my vocabulary? It isn't one that just opens doors for girls or help them carry heavy items. I guess for me, it's more than that. It's who they are, their being. The way they live and act. I must admit that I am blessed to know many gentlemen. And you will be able to identify yourself as a gentleman as your sisters around you verbalize and appreciate that you are one.

So, I shall tell all of the wonderful time I had today with a gentleman. O, and readers must note that he is attached. Which is what I admire about this gentleman, in the fact that he treats all women (except his gf) equal in terms of his attitude (I am sure that he loves his beloved and treats her better than anyone else). He is as one that is described in the bible. One that loves and protects his sisters and is his sister's keepers. I must say this one thing, that it is not the fact that girls require guys to open the doors for them but rather the feeling of being respected and cared for in an attitude that comes natural to them.

As I have told some girls before. This is how I view life. I am a princess and my father is the king. I am waiting for my prince charming as God has ordained me to have one. However, it does not mean that he is perfect. If I see myself as a princess, I can confidently say to those around me, that they should be treated as princes and princesses. As such, how could I expect them to be treated by my prince any less than the way my prince treats me. As the bible says, for we are a royal priesthood. Love my friends and family, and I will love you.

=D

Faith

Was watching TV again (seems like I've been doing this quite often now). And was wondering again. As one of my nature does. Of religion in general and discrimination. Applying what was being wondered to not only mass media but the view on Christianity in general.

I shall start with a question. Have you ever thought of how when Islam or Buddhism are being criticized in media and in life, people of the religion call it discrimination. Yet when Christianity is mocked or made fun of, it is simply blown to one side and accepted as being socially accepted. E.g. saying 'Jesus Christ' when something bad happens or when someone yells at an unruly behaviour.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. Why is it that as Christians we do not stand up for our faith? I myself am guilty of this charge as well. And that we accept of criticism thrown our way and not stand up and defend it. I know that there are many reasons of which could be applied to this as most Christians would jump and say "If a brother slaps one side of your cheek, let him slap the other". However, hear me out first before stoning me =)

So, what exactly is it that I'm trying to make sense of? How is it that we would stand up and defend our nation and country yet we won't stand up and defend our faith? Is our faith like potatoes? Remember, all these are questions of which I myself am reflecting on in terms of being able to apply Christian principles and not forming my own subjective opinions at the same time. No one's perfect.

Yet it boggles my mind that we do stand down and even shrivel up when our faith is being challenged and questioned. I know I am guilty of allowing this to happen to me one too many times and I guess, I am somewhat frustrated. So, do let me know your reflection upon this issue.

O, and another thing. It seems to be harder when it comes with family to talk about religion and faith. In fact, it is more of a hush-hush thing when this happens. Just an additional thought to add to the thought on faith. =)

Relationships

I was just thinking the other day. As one does. About relationships. And was watching Oprah at the same time. Thinking about how dogs are man's best friend. Then this lady actually said this "It is because he (the dog) loves me unconditionally. Now this made me think.

Hrm...good point...A dog does provide unconditional love. Cos he doesn't judge, doesn't disobey, doesn't question and the list goes on and on. Then I was thinking bout what it said in the bible. That man was created for relationships. Yup. Man was created for relationships. But let's explore this further. Not just for any relationship but for an unconditional loving relationship.

See, for years and years throughout the different ages and eras. Man searches for one thing. Relationship. And I don't think anyone reading this post would ever deny that fact that there is always that tug in their hearts for someone to love them unconditionally. That they search for this love and try to find it in anyway shape or form that they have been introduced to by those around them.

However, I must admit one thing. That no matter how much the ones around us love us and direct as best as they can, they will always be a time where they will disappoint us somehow. Letting us down, breaking our hearts. And it really doesn't help if the blind is leading the blind does it. And how would the blind know that he's following a blind person if that's the only thing he ever knows. Because, we are beings of habit that are molded by culture and beliefs that one generation passes on to another generation. So, in other words. How can one know the best way if one doesn't even know that there is a better way, a better option.

Think about this for awhile.

And so, this brings me back to the point. That as we are people of relationships, so are we the people that hunger for only one thing. And that is the love of God that is unending, everlasting, non-judgemental, forgiving... The list goes on but the bottom line is this. The ultimate unconditional love. And it is this love that I stand by. If ever there were any unlovable person, I stand by the fact that if my God loved the imperfect me, shouldn't I also love the one that I perceive as imperfect. For it is this relationship with my beloved that allowed me to live the life that was previously dead.

Then the next question is, how is it that this is so simple yet so profound. And so free yet not accepted. It boggles my mind that so many times I push away my beloved only to find that he loves me even more than I once thought. This, my dear brothers and sisters is unconditional love.

The ultimate relationship

Life

Ah...life seems so much better now that exams are over. But it'd probably be awhile before I can write succinctly about life and all its goodness. Today's probably been the best for the past half of this year. A morning of nothingness except GG. Chocolates for fundraising =). And please buy the chocolates. Half of the profits that I get will go to this centre in Shanghai for children with Cerebral Palsy. Then to uni to dump all the 'wonderful' books that I borrowed to study.

Life is good.

So, this lover. How great is he? Probably the best. Loved me before I was even lovable. Even before I could love myself and continued loving me despite everything else in life. Yup, today's a good day of which to enjoy this overwhelming love that soaks you and makes you go 'ahhh.....' (*smiles contently*)

Exams

Exams...hai..the word itself sucks!! =P can't wait for it to be over. Hate vivas! Everything hinges on 15 minutes of talking! Sucks!

Death

So what is the worse part?

The worse part I think, is when I close my eyes and all I think about is ending it all. When all that can be seen seems like jaggered knives in my mind. When "sleep" isn't even a word. And "rest" a foreign term. Especially if it's been a bad day or a bad week. When nothing seems to go right and when all I think about is the worse of everything. From sun rise to sun down. The heaviness of the brain that suffocates the mind from being able to think let alone process everything that has gone through during the day. When everything seems too much. And all I feel like doing is giving up. Life then doesn't really feel like it's worth much.

So, this has been my thought pattern for the past x years (no idea how long). Though I remember the first thought being in childhood years.

So what has allowed me to break free from it? Pure love. Hence why the name of my blog is Beloved. For it is love that has set me free. Free from the bondage that controls my thoughts, feelings and fear. And where did I get this love from of which I constantly crave and never have enough of. Of which only one can fulfill.

I think my friends and family knows this answer. Or I do hope they do. Because as it has allowed me to 'Live' it will allow you to live as well. Not to live because life just needs to be lived. But to live in the fullest capacity that you know you can. The life that can never be taken away. Never be stolen from you ever again.

Finally, I can breathe. Finally, I can think. Finally, I can live. Finally, I can love. After x number of years.

Next post I think should be named 'Life'. Do you agree?

Death

Continuing from yesterday's blog, I guess I must explain what I mean by living but not living as it sounded quite vague. And also, I think I need to get this 'death' thing out of my system. =P

Well, for myself, I found that I was living on the outside (achieving good greats, having friends and seeming enjoying life) but on the inside, I was dying. Literally. It got to the point where I think I might have been dead. So what do I mean by this. Well, I guess these are my demons haunting me. The constant reminder that life isn't
worth living for. Or, at least my life wasn't worth anything.

I remember a friend commented that the thought of suicide only happens during teenage years and that it is a norm, everybody thinks of it at least once in their life time. Well, not so simple my dear friend, not so simple. For some it is a demon in our lives that haunts us day and night. The constant thought of pulling the knife out or jumping off the building to just end it all. It is not as simple as saying 'no' though I must say I have never attempted suicide. It's just the thought of dying that is so debilitating. The thought which then changes into fear. Which would explain why, for so long, I was afraid of knives and of heights. Thinking, every time, when I stood on tall buildings or hold knives that I would either jump or slice myself up. The fear of the unknown - which I must say is really unjustifiable.

But yet it is these thoughts that lead a person to think that they will never amount to anything nor will they ever be loved or cherished. To think that everything that was experienced (sorrow and joy) by oneself will never ever be important enough for the people around them to care for them. The thought that 'if I end it all, no one would know, no one would care and no one would even bother, for my life isn't even nearly as important as the next.'

Then, it gets worse. Much much worse as these thoughts are being fed daily.

This will be continued in the next post =D

Death

Death is part of life - so says so many people around me. Yet it may not imply just the end of life but rather something else. This is what I think. Death is a part of life but it is not just the end of life but rather it can happen throughout 'life'.

Ok...now some people may be confused as to what I'm actually talking about. Let me enlighten you.

First, one may be able to live life without living. But rather living life as part of just being in life. So basically living but not living. This is probably something that some people have experienced in their lives, not implying that all people experienced life this way. This was how I experienced life or at least how I lived 'life' for a period of time.

Then I discovered this quote 'God gives life to the living'. I got this quote from a dream. Simple yet profound. Easily understood but yet confusing.

Unless one has experienced full life, one could never comprehend the fullness of life unless given the opportunity to or learning how to or being set free to do so. For me, it was all three. For those who read this and go, 'What in the world is she talking about?'. Which in itself is a very valid question because how can a person who is living be given life?

So, do think about it. Because for those who think more about death and life, one would realise they know someone who is 'dead' but not dead....

So, do think about it =D

Exams

hrmm...exams...

it's such a bore...n so wana get it over and done with. there's much better things in life than exams. n besides. how can our careers be based on one simple test that decide whether we pass or fail? Isn't it as well very much based on the subjectivity of what the examiners decide is right or wrong? Especially for our course...'there's no right answer' yet some of us manage to be able to fail. Someone please explain the logic in that. But i guess it is an examination of which would allow us to know how well we are doing. O well, better go study...

N to my BELOVED cousins n frens...will be posting something up soon-ish bout u guys =)....so do stay tuned ;)

MY FIRST EVER BLOG...hope i can keep it alive...lol